I finished reading An Emergent Theology for Emerging Churches by Ray S. Anderson on Monday night. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who honestly wants to know about the theology and scripture foundation under emerging churches. The emergent/emerging terms get thrown around way too easily in the blogosphere in both positive and negative lights, and I, for one, was tired of not knowing anything real about what is behind the emerging movement in churches.

I mentioned before in a previous post that I learned to see the writings of Paul differently in a much more refreshing way after seeing just how much the church in Antioch (the church that commissioned Paul's missions) was the first emerging church. The scriptural foundation of the emergent theology described in this book is just as refreshing and touches the longing spirit of my heart. The last chapter and the books ends with four things that are essential to being an emerging church and emergent church. I wanted to highlight them here to save them for reference (especially since I have to return the book today):

Being in Christ, not just believing in Christ.

The life of emerging churches is grounded in their conception and birth as the community of those who are children of God, whose lives are personally drawn into the very life and being of Christ. Those who are born anew by the Spirit of God are not merely Christians, or followers of Christ, but have been placed (adopted) into the personal relationship between the Son and the Father as children of God and "joint heirs with Christ" (Romans 8:17).... One could say the words [of a creed] and even believe that they are true, but not yet "be in Christ." Belief if confessional, belonging is communal. (p. 213)

The apostle Paul experienced the reality of Christ before coming to believe in him. In every letter that Paul wrote there is an underlying theme of union with Christ. Participation in the life of Christ is not an extracurricular option for Christians, it begins with being baptized into Christ by the Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:13). He reminded the Christians at Colossae of their experience in Christ, not just of their faith in

Emerging theology is about being in Christ, hidden with Christ in God. The Christ who is present to me and with me gives me presence to and with the very being of God. There is part of me that is already secure and safe with Jesus in heaven. I came to know that as a child; I am coming to believe that now. (p. 214-215)

Living the sacramental life of grace, not only dispensing sacramental grace.

In the writings of Paul the word grace occurs eighty times. while he no doubt valued and taught the role of sacrament and symbol with regard to the community's life of faith, he did not bind grace to sacrament but sacrament to grace. Members of the emerging church lived out grace in their daily life, and when they didn't, Paul rebuked them: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God - not the results of works, so that no one may boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9). To revert to life under the legalism of the law is to nullify grace, Paul reminds the Galatians (Galatians 2:21).

Grace is not a commodity that can be packaged and dispensed. It is the life of the Spirit that renews and transforms every facet of both the inner and outer life of those who belong to Christ. Paul's only reference to the Lord's Supper is in connection with the disorder at the common meal, in which the Corinthians were failing to practice the sacramental grace of sharing with one another. There is no suggestion in Paul's rebuke and instructions that the problem was in the act of dispensing the elements of bread and wine that represent the body and blood of Jesus. The sacramental act is participation in the meal itself, not in a ritual of administration.

We should understand that the grace of sacrament is Jesus himself, who unites the real presence of God with humanity in his own person. He is the primary sacrament from which all sacramental life flows and has its origin. The essence of sacrament may be defined as a gracious invitation to participate in the life of God along with a gracious impartation of a spiritual benefit. When Jesus gave the invitation of grace, it included an impartation of grace. "Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in your heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). Living a sacramental life of grace means living with openness to the needs of other and to the persons who feel estranged from God. In our daily conversation we should speak with others so that our words "give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29).

Our need does not cause the grace of God to be dispensed for us, but God's grace in our lives brings up to the altar.... When the prodigal son approached his father's home, he did not expect grace and asked only to be taken in as one of the servants. Jesus said, "But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him" (Luke 15:20). The sacrament was not in the celebration that followed but in the embrace on the road. I have been embraced with the arms of grace while still trying to find my way home. (p. 215-217)

Being a truthful church, not just the true church.

Roman Catholic scholar Hans Küng asked "Is the church then credible, does she help men to be truthfully Christian, to be truthfully human?" A truthful church, he argued, is a church that is provisional, that is, not an end in itself; unassuming, that is, to be constantly in need of grace rather than dispensing it; ministering, that is, taking the way of the cross rather than the way of triumphal procession; conscious of guilt, that is, exists in grace and not in righteousness; and finally obedient, that is, remains free from all claims except the radical will of God as revealed in Jesus Christ. "Wherever, among individuals or groups, there is a truthful church," Küng added, "there occurs ... a deepening and humanising of the world and of man; there dawns something of that complete justice, that eternal life, that cosmic peace, that true freedom and that final reconciliation of mankind with God, which one day God's consummated kingdom will bring." To be a truthful church is to make the truth of Christ an incarnational reality that is present in the world and to the world as the very presence of Christ.

Emerging churches do not claim to be the one, true church, as though other churches are false or, even more to the point, and though it is true because it merely exists. The evidences of truth, as Paul argued, are not in one's own life but in the lives of those who are transformed by the life of Christ to serve the true God. Writing to the church at Thessalonica, he said that the message of the gospel came to them not only in words, "But also in power and in the Holy Spirit..." (1 Thessalonians 5:9). Truth is not something that the church possesses but what the Spirit produces.... The truth is that God himself is given to us through the person of Jesus Christ, not just information about God. Paul reminds us that the language of the Spirit is the language of Jesus - it is the wordless language of the soul of God.... When the church learns to be silent in the presence of the Word, it speaks the truth. (p. 216-218)

Being the church, not just going to church

If you were to ask the apostle Paul, Did you go to church today? he would stare at you dumbfounded! The people of Antioch did not just go to church, they were the church! The emerging church had its times of gathering. It was while they were worshiping the Lord and fasting that Saul and Barnabus were selected by the Holy Spirit to go on what would become the first mission journey (Acts 13:1-3). The church was not a place but an assembly of believers in a certain place.

The emerging church is about being the church, like a family. It is an everyday reality with occasional gatherings and some celebrations. Being the body of Christ is a domestic as well as public practice of kingdom living. Being the church is as much a transformation of the secular sphere into sacred service as it is filling the sanctuary with ordinary saints. (p. 218-219)

The last couple of weeks has included so much in the way of news, events, and thoughts that much of it has fallen through the daily shuffle that is my "normal" day. Yesterday, for example, may have been momentous for our spiritual journey, as it is likely the last time we attend the church we've been going to for the last year. Ironically, the service yesterday was a believers-baptism service and specifically we went because two of our friends were being baptized. It was a special moment for them and despite my struggles with that particular church, I was very happy to be there to celebrate it with them.

I put the sermon of the incoming pastor of our old church on A*'s iPod the other day for her to listen to at her leisure. I was so happy that she said it was refreshing to listen to a sermon that was preached directly from and about scripture. I felt the same way. After all the turmoil our hearts have been through, I really do believe I felt the Spirit moving when I was at FPC a couple weeks ago, and I praying that I am discerning that movement accurately. Maybe the church as a whole is still struggling, but there is a definitely a community within FPC seeking to live in the kingdom, and I believe will welcome us to join them.

Another irony of the church service yesterday was that I was thinking a lot about wanting to have Amelia baptized. Since she was born at a time where we weren't sure where or if we'd commit to going to a church regularly, I had no problem with not having an official baptism or dedication. The irony of the thought process is that these thoughts were running through my head as the pastor was talking about how the Bible has no support for infant baptism. And honestly, I don't care to get into the debate here, but I think that neither position is cut and dry in scripture, but I appreciate the presbyterian belief that infant baptism is a sacrament of grace, as a symbol of being in a covenant relationship with God. I want Amelia to know that as she grows, and I want us all to be in a community with others in a covenant relationship.

I will be processing a lot more of these thoughts this week. I really wanted to just get some thoughts down. My mind has been muddled, working has been difficult today, and Mondays are always difficult at work because I miss being home with my A*'s like the weekend, yet at the same time I want to be committed to doing a good job at work, showing my commitment to the King who gave me this job.

On the heels of an emotionally positive weekend, I was floored by some news: a friend, whom we had temporarily lost touch with, has been battling leukemia for the past 3 months. Our friend J* couldn't have been a better example of healthy and in-shape as a successful college basketball player who scored over 1100 points in his four years, a quick learner to ultimate frisbee post-college, a husband, a father of a toddler and one on the way, and a brother in faith. In the midst of all my complaining about things in my own life, I was just taken back all last week with his and his wife's journey through this battle.

It's an odd type of leukemia that he has: Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, sub-type M5. It's most typically found in children under 3 or adults over 60. He's 29. During his first visit to the hospital, the chemotherapy successfully drove the leukemia into remission. He went home for a few weeks. He started having crazy pain in his ribs, he had trouble breathing, he had difficulties with his eyes, and seeing. He went back to the hospital. The doctors tried to relieve his pain. They put him on prednisone. They did more tests, and sadly, they saw the leukemia again. Now it's round 2 of chemo. In the meantime, a search for a bone marrow transplant donor is underway. They tell him the list of potential donors is good. The time it is taking for them to be sure with blood tests and physicals and paperwork is slow. A transplant is required now, and especially before or during remission number two. But even a transplant is not without risks. The doctors quote odds of 80% of success. He knows God doesn't work by odds or need odds. His faith is holding onto him.

This afternoon, during a gloomy, rainy day, I took a drive down to the hospital in Philadelphia to see him. I was nervous because I have had a heavy heart all week. I didn't want him to pick up on that and bring him down. I didn't want to have heavy heart - I wanted a hopeful heart. But my worries were for naught, and two and a half hours of conversation about life, Lehigh, our children, sports, work, and his battle went by so much more quickly than I expected. I was glad to be there, to sit with him, to talk with him, to be his friend again even after so much time had past.

The cancer has temporary control of his body right now, but his soul is totally controlled by God. It is humbling to read his thoughts of faith and doubt in his online journal of this battle. It is flooring me that the cancer of selfishness infects my soul so often. I've been slowly reading Galatians, but a chapter in An Emergent Theology for Emerging Churches that I just read quoted something in Galatians 5 that I decided to ponder this week. I'm skipping ahead temporarily, but I believe the Spirit is connecting all of these points for a reason. The first section of this excerpt from the Message says it all when it comes to the cancer of selfishness.

19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

What a sad life is resulted from selfishness. I could cry the blues until my breath runs out, but until I realize that that the fruit of living by the Spirit will never come until I cry out for the grace of God, the praise for my Savior, and give over the control of my heart to my God. If I long for justice, if I long for peace, if I long for joy and contentment I have to lose myself. It's the lifelong battle and thankfully grace is never ending.

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains and should I stumble again

I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself

In bringing you praise

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul

Lord I give you control

Consume me from the inside out

Lord let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love you from the inside out

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart

Is to bring You praise

from the inside out

Lord my soul cries out

"From the Inside Out" - Hillsong United

This past Sunday I returned to my old church, the community that A* and I were a part of for nearly ten years. We left because the senior pastor answered a call from another church, and another pastor that we became close to did the same shortly after. Some things seemed to be falling apart around us and we decided we need to look elsewhere. Looking back, I'm not sure how wise that decision was, but I am not going to re-analyze that very much because hindsight, while maybe not 20/20 is at least in better focus that what we were seeing at that time.

We left our small group, in which we had developed some good friendships, but family life was also starting to intrude on our ability to get together. There was also difficulty in deciding how to proceed in an organized study format and one member of our group was still unsure of God and faith. I regret that in some ways that isolated him. I don't think I understand how to best love him in that context and allow him the freedom to be in our community without any pretense or obligation to perform, but rather to be in the presence of Jesus and allow God to touch him. I wish I could have been hospitable to him in that time. Fortunately, though we don't see him and his wife often, we are still friends.

So when I walked into the church yesterday, I didn't feel at all weird. It was familiar, not in a high school reunion sort of way, but a comforting familiar. The first person I saw was from my old small group. He greeted me a smile and firm handshake. It was good to see him, and it was better to be welcomed. Then I saw the friends from the paragraph above. I sat with them. Worship began and for only the second time since I've been to LCBC (which isn't the church I'm talking about), I was able to worship without distraction, without criticism, and without a dreading attitude of the upcoming sermon. It was freeing, it was calming; I felt at home. I almost had forgotten about the time of confession, and how it was done in the contemporary worship service. I never realized how much I missed it. Not a chanting or rambling through of words on a page, but someone leading us in a thoughtful meditation about the love and grace has for us and His desire for us to come to Him in confession.

The nominated pastor was introduced and preached on John 6 which is John's account of the feeding of the five thousand (which counted only the men). The pastor pulled no punches, didn't preach a sappy sermon that would make everyone feel good. His message was authentic, true to the text, and the Spirit was convicting me, and, as told to me, others. He commented on how John specifically mentions there being plenty of grass to sit on, and that scholars believe it was a purposeful reference to Psalm 23 - "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures..."

He preached about how the boy, who had the five loaves and two fish with him, shared in the miracle with Jesus. The irony is that the boy was the only one there who didn't need the miracle; he was prepared. He had his food, he needed nothing else. But the boy gave his food to Jesus for he must have known Jesus was going to do something great. The boy was obviously there for a reason, to listen to Jesus. And not that Jesus couldn't have performed a miracle without the boy's food, but it is important to realize that God often asks us to participate in a miracle, to give something of ourselves to complete a miracle for someone else. The pastor spoke of a couple such examples in his own life, one particular in which he failed to follow God's leading, but later God redeemed that and gave him another chance. This man's humility was evident, his desire for faithfulness clear.

He spoke about if Jesus was playing the children's game of "Hot or Cold" that he could have been telling the people around him "You are getting warmer, warmer, warmer" in their quest to be in relationship with God. He sensed that while people in the congregation may have been feeling cold the last 3 years since the senior pastor left that rather they were warmer than they thought in their pursuit of Jesus. That touched me specifically and especially. I have felt cold, ice cold, as if I was just so far away from Jesus

The congregational meeting was interesting. There was a clear sense that this was the pastor to be called. I have never been in a congregational meeting with so many standing ovations, much of them well desired, especially for the nominating committee that met for 13 months and looked at 125 candidates. I can't imagine the time and effort that took. During the Q & A before the vote, someone asked the candidate when he made the decision to enter into ministry. Without hesitation he answered "Never." He went onto explain that it was never his decision, but God's leading, and his submitting to that leading. He gave four examples of people, including his future wife, telling him that he could follow his plan, but that one day he would be in seminary and in ministry.

The whole experience from the worship service through the congregational meeting was an emotional one for me. I felt regret for leaving this community, for not sticking it out through the tough times. I felt uneasy as if I was coming back to reap the harvest of other people's efforts. But for the most part, I felt at home, that I was able to relax and rest in the Spirit of worship and truth. An older woman that I was sitting next to at the meeting was kindly sharing her past pastoral-vote experiences. Eight votes she has previously cast. This one being the only unanimous vote she remembers. She asked me about my time at this church. I answered her honestly. She welcomed me back, commenting unsolicited on the joys her grandchildren have had in the children's ministry. Behind her the husband of another older couple whom A* and I were briefly connected to during a short-term marriage class gave me a thumbs up and a smile, and I understood that the signal meant he was glad I was there. He and his wife invited us back to the church when we ran into them at Wegmans a month ago.

While at the church we have been going to, I feel like a stranger walking in someone else's house, wondering sometimes if I wasn't supposed to be there. I have never understood why I felt so uncomfortable, especially when there are so many people our age with small children around us. The preaching is awful and sometimes I get really annoyed by it. I've been pretty clear in my desires to just stop going to church altogether.

But I had a different attitude leaving from our old church yesterday. I'm writing now to organize my thoughts and my emotions. My thoughts and emotions were compounded by attending a wedding yesterday and spending the reception time next to a friend from college who goes to our old church, and across from people we'd seen a lot at the old church who are very nice and friendly. I don't want to make a quick, emotional decision. I want A* to experience peace in this process. But I also want this to keep in mind that no one church is going to be perfect, to meet all of our needs, and be everything we need it to be.

Finally, I have been reading through Galatians, and this passage below jumped out at me last week. Paul is describing the process that he went through in God showing him that the Law was not what he should be following, but Jesus. I have been trying to keep the theme of grace in my heart as I've been wandering through these church and community issues. But the phrase that jumps out at me right now is "It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God."

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. Galatians 2:19-21 (The Message translation)

For so long now, I've simply wanted to be living in God's grace, to not worry about making a good impression on people so that we can have friends, or to be seen as a super Christian, and especially having to be pressured into jumping into some ministry need simply for the sake of helping the organization of the church continue. All of those seem like following the rules, rather than living in grace. I'm wondering now if going back "home" and letting God rebuild some relationships, maybe start some fresh ones, and receive the grace of a community we once knew is what God is placing on my heart. Jesus, be my shepherd.

After a week's vacation with my side of the family, I was ready to get back home and hoping that things would start looking up for us with church and community, and even at work. After a productive two days, I was woke up Wednesday just feeling awful. A couple visits to the doctors later and I either have walking pneumonia or severe bronchitis. While back to work this week for only the fourth day in the last 3 weeks, my cough and congestion still linger. Prowling in the background, yet very much in the picture, are the issues with church, community, and my own lack of enthusiasm for moving forward with a church.

Yet on a small and personal level, I am enjoying what I am reading. I started reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. I appreciate the section that A* read to me and since the church we've been going to has been doing sermons from the book, I thought it would be good to read for myself. While I'm just getting started with the lion, I'm really into An Emergent Theology for Emerging Churches. It is not as heady and academic as I expected, but really more of a historical account and analysis of Paul's writing and the church in Antioch, which is the first emerging church. It has been fascinating to see the connections between Paul's writing and what I've liked so much from authors of the emergent movement. And even more intriguing is the contrasts between the church in Jerusalem led by the original apostles and the church in Antioch led by Paul. I don't think I understood how much Paul's authority was being challenged, nor did I understand just how progressive and different Paul's presentation of the gospel was compared to the original apostles. Very similar to today... This book has put a new light on Paul's letters and last night I read through most of chapters 1 and 2 in Galatians in The Message with a new-found appreciation.

I finished the chapter on kingdom living this week, and it has been so applicable both in the area of my work and with church. Something that I haven't thought about before, but makes sense, is that there was no need for church before the Fall. Church is part of the fallen world, an attempt to organize and present God to people. The problem, as I see it, is that the institutional element of church has taken over the focus in ways that make it seem that the church has a monopoly of God, on how "to serve God", and how someone would learn about God.

The author of An Emergent Theology for Emerging Churches has done a good job of showing how the secularization of the workplace is also part of the Fall, never intended to be separated from a relationship with God. Workplace is actually a sacrament of the kingdom of God, as from the beginning, even before the Fall, we were called to work. I have to admit that I have never considered going to work like taking communion, and I'm not sure if A* would consider being a full-time mom to Amelia in that manner either. But the kingdom of God has no borders within the walls of the church, and being a disciple of Jesus isn't limited to being around other Christians in a worship service or bible study or a church activity.

Ironically, as I have been thinking about what life would be like if I stopped going to church, at least for an extended, yet temporary, period of time, I pondered dinner plans with friends as communion. Jesus didn't say at His last supper that we should remember his sacrifice of body and blood once of month with a little cracker and a shot of juice, but in actually when we have bread and wine. More specifically in the gospels it is presented with Passover, which most Christians don't even give thought to.* So why shouldn't we share the sacrament of communion as a common meal between disciples of faith? Seems to make sense to me, but it also feels different, and different feels weird, and weird starts making me whether it is a good idea or not. But if I am to look at my workplace as a sacrament in my faith, and my working is the the second-most important activity I take part in next to being a husband and father, then why shouldn't our sharing of bread and wine not be a sacrament we take part in more regularly than in the formalized setting of an organizational worship service?

I wonder how my work would be different if I see it as a sacrament. Would my commitment change? Would I be more focused on my work or on the people around my office space? Should I consider the benefits I receive more as blessings than as expected payment for my service? Would I complain less? And does this have any impact on my view of church? Anderson concludes the chapter on kingdom living:

For disciples of the kingdom in the workplace, the church is the way that we outsource our need for communion with other believers and our instruction and guidance from the Word of God, and recharge our spiritual batteries for our daily life in the secular workplace.

Would there have been a church in the Garden of Eden if there not been a Fall? No. For the church is part of the fallen world. As such, the church needs to live as a religious institution with a spirit of repentance toward God and with the fire of the kingdom burning in its bones as a human institution. There will be no church in heaven. It will be kingdom living, first class! (p. 115-116)

I think I like the idea of seeing the church as an outsourcing of my spiritual needs. For one, this implies that I cannot my spiritual needs myself. Secondly, it implies that no one place is going to meet all of my spiritual needs. This lessens a requirement to be a fully-vested member to one organization as if it were the end all be all for everyone's spiritual growth. It globalizes the church, to a point, and more specifically the kingdom of God, which is reality. The kingdom of God is all around us.

On that note, I am looking forward to going back to our old church who is bringing in and voting on a pastor nominated for the senior pastor position. While I am a voting member, I'm not sure if I'll vote or not. But I certainly want to hear him speak because what I've read about his so far seems good and that he is kingdom focused, not just church focused.

* - As a side note, I would highly recommend to anyone to celebrate the authentic Passover meal sometime. I would also recommend reading through the gospel of John and seeing how John specifically makes the effort to show Jesus as the lamb of God whose blood was placed over us for the eternal Passover.