This past Sunday our senior pastor preached from John 17, which is Jesus' prayer in the garden. Since Easter, they have been preaching through the gospel of John through conversations Jesus had with various characters. John 17 is a conversation with God, naturally as a prayer. The pastor emphasized the repeated theme of unity - Jesus' repeated recognition of unity with God and a prayer for us to be united with each other and united with Jesus/God. It is quite powerful and beautiful, and in many ways overwhelmingly unrecognizable.

But I've been reading through The Shack, I'm not finished yet, but immediately on Sunday I recognized the beauty of the picture of unity painted in the book. As I was reading the book, I struggled with the notion of God, Jesus, and the HS being anything more than an abstract concept I "believe" and will one day in the next life "understand". But the story really drives home the simplicity of life together, united through 100% authentic love for no one else but another, joy fulfilled with companionship and conversation, and beauty completed from the messiness of life by grace and mercy. Where we see a mess, God sees a fractal, so the story goes.

Through the book and this prayer in John, you cannot help but feel the magnitude of this unity discussed, but isn't it so easy to be skeptical based on the reality of how united we are as people with each other, and how much we resist true, authentic community? The book has a theme that our human rules get in the way all the time, which is true. Rules represent justice and/or fairness, not grace and mercy. Our actions are inherently selfish in nature, despite our best efforts to be anything but selfish. In short, we fall short of the glory, the beauty, the unity of God.

But I have been wondering and realizing just how un-united I am with myself. I battle within myself between the creative, thoughtful, and introspective side and the logical, engineering, take-action side. I think it is why I am so interested in finding balance and centeredness in the bigger perspective. Too often one side wins over the other in a way that isn't fulfilling. I don't generally see it coming, though when I do, it's hard to get out of my own way and step back to save myself. I, instead, play by the selfish rules of life we have laid out for ourselves, mostly that of self-preservation. And that just leads to isolation, loneliness, and absence of love.

When I let go of myself I can be united, within myself and with others. That is what I sense Jesus was saying at the center of his prayer. That is what I'm trying to believe now that I can live out.