A* and I watched Marley and Me tonight. (Cannarf rating: +3) It is a good movie with a tough ending. I won't ruin it for anyone, but even I should have known (yet didn't think about it until halfway through) that a movie about a dog likely ends a certain way. It killed me. Two nights in a row that I've just sobbed - ok, bawled my eyes out on this very couch I'm also writing. I think the long recovery of my knee surgery is adding more emotional energy to everything else going on.

Ok, I might ruin the ending for you so if you don't want to know anything, don't read any further. Seriously. Stop. Alright, I warned you. As John Grogan was dealing with saying goodbye to Marley, I was immediately transported in my mind's eye to January 2, 2007: the day we said goodbye to Luigi. Exactly like the movie in that A* stayed home with Amelia and I took Luigi, but unlike the movie where Luigi wasn't ending his life, just starting a new chapter with a new family.

All of the memories of Marley that flash through the next scenes flashed for me memories of Luigi, a dog that sometimes we thought could have been the worst dog in the world - a title Marley got a number of times. Peeing on the piano leg, humping on the stranger's leg, escaping from the yard and then magically reappearing hours later, taking off after a squirrel across streets, jumping on Amelia as a baby - all of these frustrated us.

But then there was those big brown eyes as he lay his snout between his front paws, completely stretched out on the floor or bed, or curling up to one of us when we were sad - especially Andrea, or sleeping at our feet in bed, or on his back in full glory with his teeth showing a silly, gravity-induced grin while snoring - all of these enriched our joy of him. He would never fetch, rarely sit on command, and never stopped peeing in that one spot. He would bark incessantly at the neighbors, he would bark agressively at other dogs; he would love you the moment you came in the door.

Though we gave him up for the right reason (mostly Amelia and our future as parents) and we have said over and over again that we are glad we made that decision, all though the movie, and especially at the end, I miss him so much. The raw emotions I had on that last day are still (despite my best efforts) fresh inside of me. Those seeds of doubt crop up every time they are refreshed by something like this movie. But as I re-read that post from over two years ago, I was reminded that Tayte is just a little older than what Amelia was then. And he is giving us those same toothless grins that she did that day to me. With that, I am reminded that while Marley and Me is titled and seemingly centered around a dog, it is really about the life of a family, and the real frustrations and joys that comes with family. And that doesn't kill me at all, but strengthens me and gives me more life.

Tonight while at small group, sitting at the kitchen table, I watched my daughter walk past into the living room of our hosts. She walked right up to the piano, climbed onto the bench, flipped through the music book on the console and started to play the piano. She'd play a few notes, stop, and then flip to another song and start playing again. It made me smile so much that this was her own interest, her own motivation.

Later I watched as she lounged on a kids couch with her friend Zoe watching Little Einsteins doing motions together ( pat, clap, pat, clap ) and saying along with the TV "Blastoff!". She was so adorable, so growing up.

As a few tears slide down my right cheek, I had to write, as I told her before tucking her in bed, that I am so proud of her - and I'm so blessed to be her daddy.