I am reading through "Plan B: What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?" by Pete Wilson, pastor of Cross Point Church in Nashville. I'm reviewing it for Thomas Nelson Publishing's BookSneeze.com. So far it is a good read, a voice that feels familiar, even though I barely know anything about Pete Wilson, and down to earth while still ultimately pointing toward God.
The third chapter is about control, or really the illusion of control. I know I struggle with the mightily. On p.34 Wilson writes:
[T]he truth is, you never had control in the first place. The only thing you do control is how you respond to your disappointments and your unexpected obstacles. And here you have some options.
You can allow the river of fear, anger, and disappointment to just rage. But you need to know that rage will affect every relationship you touch, every job you have, every plan you dream.
It's just the way things work. The fear, the anger, the disappointment you picked up in college, you carry into your marriage. The fear, the anger, the disappointment you picked up in your marriage, you carry into your career. The fear, the anger, the disappointment you picked up in your career, you carry into your parenting.
That is so true with me. The bigger problem is how unaware I am of the fear, the anger, the disappointment I'm carrying around. I don't take enough time to stop and think about it or meditate on how to resolve it.
Wilson goes on to give the other two options of trying harder which ends up in exhaustion and still losing your dreams. The final option is to give up control and let God's will be God's will. Most times that's really the hardest option. How often do I feel that I have no idea not only how to give up control but what is God's will? Almost all the time.
Practicality dictates you do things for yourself or they will never get done. The next question is where is the balance between what I do (living my life) and what is done despite that life (God's will)? I so want to feel that balance. I miss it. I think there was certainly a time when I had it. Or maybe I thought I did. But at this point I'm open to just about anything to get to that place. Control is now making my heart feel good. Just now how do in give it up - as a husband, a father, a provider, a man.
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