Spiritual Exercises from Chapter 2: "Why Spiritual Practices Matter" from Finding Our Way Again by Brian McLaren.

Character
1. Think about who you were yesterday in terms of character, compared to who you are today. How would you fill in these blanks: "Today I'm more _____ and less ____ than yesterday"? Do the same regarding a year ago and ten years ago.

Today I am more humble, open to new ideas, and cautiously optimistic than I was yesterday. Yesterday (Tuesday) I was suffering from a migraine registering 9 out of 10 on the pain scale. I was deflated by yet another migraine (been averaging 10-15 per month), and just trying to get through the day without negatively impacting my family. Today I was returning to a chiropractor for his evaluation of my case to see if I could find an alternative process to gain relief for these migraines. The humility was genuine in that I knew I needed to submit to another form of treatment and expertise, checking any preconceived ideas at the door, yet I was cautiously optimistic that anything but the extreme medicinal measures I'm scheduled for in May would help.

Extending that beyond my condition, I was feeling more organized, more aware today than yesterday - organized to me more productive with my time at work, more aware of the expectations on me at home, and trying to be all in.

Last Year: It's difficult to think about where I was last year. At work, we would have been wrapping up a commitment to join a major project, so I was certainly trying to picture what the immediate and near-term future would hold for me and my family staying in Bethlehem. We had been struggling for the past few years about where we should live, or if we should move, and there was some clarity forming even though it wasn't as solid as we would like. I think that from a character point of view, I was trying to portray confidence despite the feelings of inadequacy I had inside, and trying to continue to invest in our excellent small group.

Ten Years Ago: I would have been 24 and inside of 3 months before our wedding day. I was treading water in my relatively new job, wondering if I had made the right decision. I was not nervous about our wedding, but definitely trying to learn and experience more depth in my relationship with Andrea. I am certainly more secure in who I am today than I was ten years ago. I am more aware of my strengths and definitely more aware of my weaknesses. I am much less naive, but also more jaded and skeptical when it comes to Christianity.

2. What will your character be like in ten years, given your current trajectory.
I'm expecting that I will be more accepting of others than I've ever been. I expect that I'll be a strong leader in my career, having had many more learning experiences of success and failure. I expect I will be more decisive than I am now, and I will gather opinions from others in ways that do not show an over-dependence on them. I expect that I will be find that my journey of faith has found more freedoms, and I hope that my wife and children will experience this similarly.

Aliveness
1. Are you awake? What have you missed - in terms of sights, sounds, feelings, smells, and so on - in the last five minutes?
I've been sitting here for the last five minutes. I hear quiet from those sleeping down the hall. I hear a faint coming and going of cars on a nearby road. I feel somewhat restless and my attention sways in and out of this writing.

In the last twenty-four hours? I have missed some of the joyful sights and sounds of my children last evening as I walked carefully around the yard during my migraine. I avoided sights that would hurt my eyes, and smells that would make me nauseous. During today, I missed a lot of things as I went from task to task and meeting to meeting.

2. Rate yourself on a scale of one to one hundred on how alive you feel at the present moment. About 50. I definitely don't feel as exuberant as I would like, but not nearly down and out.
When is the last time you felt below 30 and above 90? I think on my birthday I felt around 30. That's very sad, but I felt high enough around 30 because my family had done very special things for me. Without them, I would have been near 0 while I suffered with a migraine that really should have been treated at the ER. The last time I felt above 90 is harder to remember. It clearly has been longer than necessary.

3. What are advantages of sleepwalking through life? What are advantages of being alive and awake while your life happens? The only advantage I can think of for sleepwalking is that lows aren't as low and the highs aren't too high that the middle is too disappointing for you later. Being alive and awake means that true joy can be experience right then and there, often shared with those I love the most. Also that I can appreciate true beauty, art, creativity, and spirit as they happen, along with a balance that springs more life.

Experiencing God
1. If your relationship with God was a marriage, how would you describe things to a marriage counselor? What would a better, happier marriage look like? My friend, Susan Isaacs, already wrote this book... :) But my story is different, I know. I would probably say things like I still feel so distant from God, and I'm probably getting too comfortable with that distant feeling. I long for the emotional, spiritual refreshment that I used to have in an authentically-driven worshipful environment. I'd say that I long to know his love instead of the idea that he is so huge and "out there". And that he'd be more like Jesus within the community of people around me.

Hmmm... I don't think I expected that to come out that way...